WHAT DID YOU TEACH YOURSELF?

In Jewels’ last 2 editions, we asked and tried to discuss the subjects ‘What Did Your Father Teach You and What Did Your Mother Teach You?’  We tried to establish that men as fathers are responsible for providing psychological support to their children; raise them to be proud of who they are so they can be esteemed individuals and more. Mothers, we said to a great extent determine what the individuals character is, what he is known for due to the role mothers are supposed to play in imbibing conduct in their children so they can be seen as good children for the fathers as the old Nigerian proverbs says ‘When a child is good, he/she is the father’s child but when a child is bad, he/she is the mother’s child’. 

You will notice from the preceding notes above that the totality of what an individual becomes in live does not depend explicitly on who an individual’s father or mother is, where he/she was born, where he schooled etc. To the greatest extent, one can say that the individual is a major determinant of what he becomes and this is the reason for the subject Jewels chooses to share in this edition ‘What Did You Teach Yourself?’

Out there are several philosophies tagged under some heading like ‘Agents of Socialisation, Man and Society etc’ mostly dealing with the subject of how various agents (family, school, friends, background, society in general) can influence man to become a particular kind of man or woman in life. Most of those philosophies posit that society influences man and a few propose that man influences society or can influence his society. I am hoping that the Story of Thomas may be able to provide the kind of dimension Jewels hopes we adopt from today.

Thomas was born into the family of the Okoli’s in the late 70’s. Growing up amongst his pairs, he was an object of admiration and sometimes envy because his family was regarded highly by members of the community due to the high moral, disciplined life they led. Thomas growing up, did not let this family portrait they were known for diminish which made him more admirable not just among his peers but almost at every setting he found himself. Known for his choice for excellence, high morals, hard work, talents and lots of good virtues you may be thinking about, Thomas advanced through various stages of life quickly and in no time was almost ready to begin life as an adult himself.

Set for adult life having progressed so far in life evidenced by very good education, a fantastic job with several benefits, Thomas went to his father one day and declared his readiness to become a husband and a father like the one who raised him; Mr. Anthony Okoli. With a grateful grin on his face, Mr. Anthony thanked God for his son and said ‘Tom, I really have nothing to say to you regarding your intentions more because I am proud of what you have become, you did not let me down. However, I have to say this and hope you heed my words as you have always done. Anything wrong you have never done in life, please do not start because if you do, you may not be able to stop them and there is a consequence for every action. My piece of advice is to encourage you to always improve the person you are so that you can be better and this can only happen if you continually keep in mind all we taught you raising you and above all uphold fear for GOD. I know you have very good judgement so I would say, everything right you saw me do in marriage, please do and anything wrong you ever saw me do in marriage, please do not do. A man becomes anything he chooses to become. Tom, you have my blessings!’

Few months after the meeting with his father, Tom was married to Andi, the lady he fell in love with during his post graduate study days at Cambridge. Of course, life was sweet you can guess; both couples were successful and they enjoyed their times greatly and more because in no time they were blessed with a lovely son. Soon like every other marriages I guess, conflicts caused by several reasons (I permit you to think about them) began to creep into their lovely home and Thomas began to respond by battering his wife, having extra marital affairs which led to having kids out of wedlock, drinking and smoking all done to sometimes keep him sane. Mr. Anthony and his wife knowing of these reports wondered what had happened to Tom, they tried to think about anything they had done wrong; he had never seen his parents fight, he had always been calm, intelligent, a strong feminist, disciplined and Andi was a wonderful person. The more he tried to contemplate the reasons for Thomas’s action as several reports were brought before him, the more confused he became; everything seemed like an enigma. He usually would say to his wife, in-laws ‘THIS WAS NOT HOW WE RAISED TOM’

I could relate to the story of Thomas when it was told and I am certain that many of us can relate to it as well.  Most of what we become are not solely dependent on what our parents have taught us but on what we teach ourselves and thus choose to become. I agree that the story could have been one where Thomas may have found himself in an environment filled with so much violence and hate but this does not make an excuse for anything evil we become otherwise the laws and society would stand strong for them. Despite what we see in practice today; more of an EVIL world, I have not heard of a law that supports the wrongs we do. I have also not seen any law that holds a parent responsible for the actions of an adult. The beauty of living is the opportunity it provides through several agents society has put in place; Church, Mosque, Friends, Hospitals, Schools, Mentors and more. In every wrong done, it is said that a right can be preached and we have been built to know what is right and wrong. Jewels in this edition tasks You and I to remember always that We are the architect of our fate, we choose to become what we want to become and hence forth can determine what ‘WE TEACH OURSELVES’. I would like to put this perspective in every context by reminding us of the words I paraphrased tweeted by Pastor Dexter ‘Steve Jobs was an orphan, raised by adopted parents, dropped out of school yet he changed our world, What excuse do you have to give by whatever you are?’

There is remedy for every situation as you will read soon when I continue the story of Thomas in the next edition of Jewels – ‘What Did You Learn?’

From Me; Chuka Chiezie and the team at Jewel Publishers we wish you a great weekend. Contact us (08033615992, jewelswriting@gmail.com) for your graphics design and Printing services and please do not forget to tell others about Jewel Publishers. More Grace!

WHAT DID YOUR FATHER TEACH YOU?

Like previous years, we celebrated Father's day in June 2015. This memorable day marked by churches, mosques, entertainment centres, businesses, social media platforms and more was considered special for Fathers all over the world. I suppose, to tell them how important their roles are in our world. Thinking about the 21st day of June when this day was celebrated in Nigeria, I remembered feeling so grateful to be a father and also remembered my Dad and other great men that have impacted my life, some late and some living and felt really happy that the world did not fail to recognise the contributions of men who have attained this status in our society.

Many like me basked in the excitement of the day following the special prayers, messages, events that graced the day but I had cause to think about a lot of things that inspired this text I am sharing with you via this medium. I was wondering if fathers in Nigeria celebrated for the same reasons like Fathers in other countries of the world.  While contemplating the reason why fathers in Nigeria had course to celebrate, I decided to ask some men around me why they felt they should be celebrated on this day and these were the responses I got: 'I thank God that I am able to take care of my family and provide them with everything that they need not every father does that you know', another goes 'I do not have kids at the moment but not many fathers or even men at my age are married, so I am glad I am being celebrated for being responsible' and another goes 'well since there is mother's day, there ought to be father's day. If married women with children are celebrated for attaining that status, we too as men should be accorded the same right as well' and the responses went on and on for a while, some were very funny and some caused those of us gathered to contemplate until Mr. Simon one quiet man I had watched asked me 'You, Chuka tell us why you asked the question? ' 'Well' I began 'I am not sure w

e are celebrating for the same reasons that many men in other parts of the world are celebrating. I said this because, I know that every man that has a family here has a small country which means that our families have to be seen like a small Nigeria and we all ought to take care of Nigeria the way we take care of our families. Men in other parts of the world especially in developed countries may have cause to celebrate because they have done a lot of things that are ideal in their society ensuring that their societies survive and that almost everyone benefits from the stability that they have provided in their economies. I am not sure we can say the same of Nigeria. I am strongly compelled to ask our leaders and everyone who has toyed with and ravaged Nigeria "WHAT DID YOUR FATHERS TEACH YOU?" History taught us what the likes of Herbert Macaulay, Dr. Nnamdi Azikiwe, Sir Ahmadu Bello, Sir Abubabakar Tafabalewa, Chief Obafemi Awolowo, Odimegwu Ojukwu et al stood for. Those were some of the fathers who fought for Nigeria and for the rights of their people not because they wanted to amass wealth for themselves but because they wanted Nigeria to be the best country in the world. I have sometimes wondered if the fathers we have today especially the ones we see in our leaders were handed the virtues these men possessed or if they were raised by people they could never call fathers resulting in the kind of Nigerian nation that we have today; a nation where people clamour to rule not because they have got objectives that would benefit the masses but because they want to loot the nations treasury for themselves and their kins, a nation where poverty is gradually becoming our definition, a nation now listed among first options whenever vices are mentioned and more. These thoughts caused my questions Mr. Simon. I am not sure if many fathers worry like I do about what the generations that will come after us will become if we do not go back to those good old generations when our fathers stood for what was right not because they were easy virtues but because they knew that if we can build the nation, then we can build the people and live better with and for ourselves'.

Raising Men

The concern shared through this medium Jewel Publishers provides should be the concern of every well meaning Nigerian in the world especially those of us who reside in Nigeria. Fathers must return to the drawing board and provide the right mission statement that would take us back to our days of Glory irrespective of what our Fathers taught us. We must ensure that we do not educate our children because we want them to be thieves or corrupt people using the smart things they have learnt to rub our nation, No! We must educate them to understand that when education prepares you for life, it prepares you to live life that would first honour our creator; God and also benefit the people who live around us. Our greatest wish is that the new leadership of this country would stir the boat towards this mission so that many can follow.

In July, the team at Jewel Publishers encourages all of us to live with this awareness so that Nigeria can be better again. Selah! I wish you an attainment of those expectations you have for the month of July 2015. More Grace.

Remember to tell others about Jewel Publishers, the one stop place for Graphics Designs, Prints and Publishing.

Ebenezer

Ebenezer

At the sound of a very loud bang, I jolted up from my bed and almost ran from the room thinking the house would collapse on me only to realise it was just heavy raindrops followed by occasional strong thunderstorms. Alone in my room as always, having grown restless from the storm that plagued my now timid heart, I was lost in thought; my mind wondered through many questions indicating strongly how lonely my world had become since my Ex, my friend whom I fondly call Princess bade me good bye because I did not want to show clear signs of commitments that the relationship we share was heading to any permanent stead. I could not say at the moment if I was happy or sad about the present single state of my life, maybe I can testify to some mixed feelings anyways but one thing was clear, I missed my girl who was engaged now to be married to some dude that was ready for the big commitment.

Realising how deep I was drifting in thought about my life with Princess, I jolted up from the sofa where I laid and went to get myself a cup of coffee just to create some distractions that would stop me from getting into those sad moments that sometimes make me say 'Had I KNOWN’. Relaxing now with a cup of coffee, I decided to play one of the favourite songs 'It's US AGAINST THE WORLD by West Life' I shared with princess during those sweet old days. Consumed by the wordings, I decided to send a message to Princess about the memories that came flashing through my mind, something I hoped she would see the moment she got up at her usual 6:30am every morning. Only a 'Hello' dropped from me to her and I immediately got a 'Hi' response that killed the flow I had planned out. Shocked that she was awake at 3am, I quickly asked 'Princess, why are you not sleeping? It’s very late you know' 'Just like you Henry, why you not sleeping yourself?' she replied. Smiling now I had to admit, 'I was thinking about you and US against the world. You know Princess; I should never have let you go.  I thought I could live up to it by being sincere that you are/were too good to be mine. You had it all, Beautiful, Educated, Intelligent, Attractive, Homely and above all God fearing. Look at me, what did I have to measure up, maybe just a daytime job and a self contained apartment and maybe myself. I was not ready but you know what I should have let you help me be better. Well it's all gone now baby, so I just thought I would tell you again that I do miss you but wish you the best'. 'Henry' she began 'I am up because you showed up in my sleep and took sleep away from my eyes completely. I miss you more and I am awake this moment because you are the only thing that has been in my thoughts for so long and I am completely at loss about what to do. I feel I am in the wrong place. Dare does not treat me like you ever did. I knew you were not ready to be married but I knew you loved me. All you needed to do was ask me to wait or you wait or we just talk about it and agree. Now we are faced with all sorts of monsters because we left ‘US’ and have to fight this world individually. 2 months from now, I will be Mrs. Dare, maybe unhappy or happy but it's in God's hands now, I hope for the best'.  Alitea mixed with my coffee tasted really sour in my mouth now as I read these words from Princess but I was optimistic that things will turn out right for the both of us in the end and I had to tell her. 'Princess, the most sad moments of my life were when you agreed to walk away from me when I insisted that I could not measure up to the wonders I saw all around you. I wallowed in a state of great confusion for over 6 months you were gone from my life, Nothing I loved made sense anymore, music, movies, books and all those things you knew, my jobs did not; I even got fired eventually. I cannot tell you everything I went through because I inflicted those pains on myself. Until this moment, I still think I did not make the right decision letting you go because I have found no one else like you to be with. I know you wonder how I now cope so well from what you hear about me from some of our friends. Well my dear Princess, God helped me. One day, our old time friend Gabriel called me and asked if he could spend 3 nights in my place because he had a conference to attend in Abuja and I obliged. On arrival, he saw my pitied state and kept probing why things had gone that bad but I was so ashamed to narrate the story of our love. I am sure he got tired of asking but before leaving for his home in Makurdi, he asked me to read 1st Samuel and a couple of other verses he listed and left me his Bible. Few weeks after he left, idle me decided to see what was hidden in those pages he referred me to and I kept reading until I got to 1st Samuel 7 and was struck particularly by verse 10 and 12; how God helped the Israelites who in turn referred to him as their helper. From that moment, knowing that no one will make up for the absence of someone I Love so dearly, I decided to ask the Lord to help me and He did in the most amazing way I cannot fathom. All I call him now even though he has become everything to me is EBENEZER. Princess, the man, you are currently about to marry will never bring you the kind of Joy you expect, to compare him to what we shared would drive you further down into frustration. Quitting now maybe the only option you have but it may not guarantee that happiness you seek but like me maybe you can turn to my Ebenezer the one I am certain still has some help pills in store if you ask him. There is no guarantee that the help he will offer could mean giving you courage to go on with the wedding, it may also not mean giving you the serenity to bear the things that seem quite difficult for you, it may also mean returning you to me, Hahahaha but I know the help He brings will surely bring you peace that surpasses your understanding. Princess, for me, it is a normal thing for me to be awake at this time, I hope the words we have shared will help you try to catch some sleep in peace now. Love you!’

 I tried to guess what Princess would be doing after reading the message I shared with her because I got no response after all I wrote. Maybe she was sobbing or a bit sad like me but anyways I was certain that Ebenezer who works in ways we cannot understand will go about his work for her, for me who is a work in progress and anyone who gives him a chance to go about is good works.