Dumelo

My name is Dumelo,  I am 48 years old, and I have a wonderful son. Now when I think about him, my heart is filled with sheer pain, regret, and utter agony, and if I just had one wish, it would be to turn back the hands of time, to make things right, to do things correctly, to be a good and loving father, to be part of his life, to hold him, teach him to ride a bicycle, how to play football, and to put a smile on his face every blessed day. I’d give anything to have that wish come true but Sometimes, you never know what you have until its too late.

I had love, but I threw it away. I didn’t know its value, I didn’t know its worth. Right now I sit here with sorrow, great depression, anger, dejection, frustration, lonliness, heartache, and regret as my only companions, fear is my master, and torture is the whip he uses to flog me.

Since I cannot have my wish, and turn back the hands of time, I can only sound a warning to other fathers who are threading the same path I did.

Life is too short to waste it on the things that don’t count, while destroying the things that do. Let me tell you my story, maybe I can save a little child, or another father from destruction.

Twelve years ago, I met a beautiful lady, her name was Joy. She was so full of joy and love, nothing you could ever do would make her sad. I watched her everyday as she came to the restaurant I always ate during my lunch break. Joy was gracious, she radiated from the inside, she shone with a beauty I couldn’t describe. She was well mannered, and beautifully built, she was a work of art, a rare gem.  I knew because, I had met all kinds of women, and by God, this one was heavenly. She wasn’t just beautiful on the outside, she was beautiful on the inside too. Apart from her beauty, I think it was her innocence that really endeared me to her.  One day I summoned courage, walked up to her table, I smiled, she smiled, I talked, she talked and 6Months later, we were married.

A year after our wedding, Joy took in, and gave birth to a bouncing baby boy. He was my spitting image, and I was very proud of myself. But slowly things began to change, the love Joy and I shared, began to die. I couldn’t stand her anymore, Joy did everything she could to try and salvage the remains of a shattered marriage, but my mind was made up, one morning I moved out. I knew it killed Joy because she became a shadow of herself, I had sucked out all the joy and beauty that was in her. She struggled to survive because she didn’t have a job, I had ordered her to stop working when we found out she was pregnant. She moved into a much smaller apartment and became a pure water producer, and she had a tiny kiosk where she managed to sell small stuff.

Friends would chide me for not accepting responsibility for my son, but I couldn’t, well, the truth is, I didn’t want to. I felt if I provided for my son, then I would be indirectly providing for Joy. So like the fool that I was, I turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to the disapproval of my friends.

Years passed and I didn’t give a hoot, I didn’t care less if my son lived or died. I lived my life on the fast lane, showering money to all kinds of women, keeping late nights, and getting drunk almost all the time. Until that faithful night, when the accident occurred. My car was bashed beyond recognition, I saw people gathering around, some shouting with their hands on their heads, and some crying, I kept shouting, im over here! Unscathed!, nothing happened to me!, im fine! Why wont they just hear me? I kept asking myself, until a little girl ran through me. I screamed! And at that point, I realized I was dead. Fear took over me,  I felt a great chill down my spine as a great angel came to take me. Suddenly, my whole life flashed in front of me. This huge angel showed me different areas of my life, people I had hurt, things I had done, right and wrong. Then he showed me something I would live with for the rest of my undead life; this angel opened my eyes and I saw my son and his mother on their knees praying for me, asking God to forgive me and protect me.  Hot tears began to drop from my eyes, and just then I realized that I had treated them very unfairly.  Regardless of my wickedness towards them, they still were able to pray for me with a heart full of love. The angel told me that for 12years they had done that, and God reached me so many times but I refused to change and do right by them. We walked until we reached a dark smelly ally, that was when a big ugly thing came to get me. I screamed and begged the angel to save me, but he could do nothing and suddenly vanished.

To say its been sheer horror ever since, is an understatement.  I take comfort in one thing the angel said; “God is a father to the fateherless, and He will take care of your son”.  Fathers who still have a chance  to do right, please make amends, find time and spend it with your kids, love them, protect them and most especially take care of them.

By Angaye Bibi - Jewel Publishers