In Jewels’ last 2 editions, we
asked and tried to discuss the subjects ‘What
Did Your Father Teach You and What Did Your Mother Teach You?’ We tried to establish that men as fathers are
responsible for providing psychological support to their children; raise them
to be proud of who they are so they can be esteemed individuals and more. Mothers,
we said to a great extent determine what the individuals character is, what he
is known for due to the role mothers are supposed to play in imbibing conduct
in their children so they can be seen as good children for the fathers as the
old Nigerian proverbs says ‘When a child
is good, he/she is the father’s child but when a child is bad, he/she is the
mother’s child’.
Out there are several
philosophies tagged under some heading like ‘Agents of Socialisation, Man and
Society etc’ mostly dealing with the subject of how various agents
(family, school, friends, background, society in general) can influence man to
become a particular kind of man or woman in life. Most of those philosophies
posit that society influences man and a few propose that man influences society
or can influence his society. I am hoping that the Story of Thomas may be able to provide the kind of dimension Jewels
hopes we adopt from today.
Thomas was born into the family
of the Okoli’s in the late 70’s. Growing up amongst his pairs, he was an object
of admiration and sometimes envy because his family was regarded highly by
members of the community due to the high moral, disciplined life they led.
Thomas growing up, did not let this family portrait they were known for
diminish which made him more admirable not just among his peers but almost at
every setting he found himself. Known for his choice for excellence, high
morals, hard work, talents and lots of good virtues you may be thinking about,
Thomas advanced through various stages of life quickly and in no time was
almost ready to begin life as an adult himself.
Set for adult life having
progressed so far in life evidenced by very good education, a fantastic job
with several benefits, Thomas went to his father one day and declared his
readiness to become a husband and a father like the one who raised him; Mr.
Anthony Okoli. With a grateful grin on his face, Mr. Anthony thanked God for
his son and said ‘Tom, I really have nothing to say to you regarding your
intentions more because I am proud of what you have become, you did not let me
down. However, I have to say this and hope you heed my words as you have always
done. Anything wrong you have never done in life, please do not start because
if you do, you may not be able to stop them and there is a consequence for
every action. My piece of advice is to encourage you to always improve the
person you are so that you can be better and this can only happen if you
continually keep in mind all we taught you raising you and above all uphold
fear for GOD. I know you have very good judgement so I would say, everything
right you saw me do in marriage, please do and anything wrong you ever saw me
do in marriage, please do not do. A man becomes anything he chooses to become.
Tom, you have my blessings!’
Few months after the meeting with
his father, Tom was married to Andi, the lady he fell in love with during his
post graduate study days at Cambridge. Of course, life was sweet you can guess;
both couples were successful and they enjoyed their times greatly and more
because in no time they were blessed with a lovely son. Soon like every other
marriages I guess, conflicts caused by several reasons (I permit you to think
about them) began to creep into their lovely home and Thomas began to respond
by battering his wife, having extra marital affairs which led to having kids
out of wedlock, drinking and smoking all done to sometimes keep him sane. Mr.
Anthony and his wife knowing of these reports wondered what had happened to
Tom, they tried to think about anything they had done wrong; he had never seen
his parents fight, he had always been calm, intelligent, a strong feminist,
disciplined and Andi was a wonderful person. The more he tried to contemplate
the reasons for Thomas’s action as several reports were brought before him, the
more confused he became; everything seemed like an enigma. He usually would say
to his wife, in-laws ‘THIS WAS NOT HOW
WE RAISED TOM’
I could relate to the story of
Thomas when it was told and I am certain that many of us can relate to it as
well. Most of what we become are not
solely dependent on what our parents have taught us but on what we teach
ourselves and thus choose to become. I agree that the story could have been one
where Thomas may have found himself in an environment filled with so much
violence and hate but this does not make an excuse for anything evil we become
otherwise the laws and society would stand strong for them. Despite what we see
in practice today; more of an EVIL world, I have not heard of a law that
supports the wrongs we do. I have also not seen any law that holds a parent
responsible for the actions of an adult. The beauty of living is the
opportunity it provides through several agents society has put in place;
Church, Mosque, Friends, Hospitals, Schools, Mentors and more. In every wrong
done, it is said that a right can be preached and we have been built to know
what is right and wrong. Jewels in this edition tasks You and I to remember
always that We are the architect of our fate, we choose to become what we want
to become and hence forth can determine what ‘WE TEACH OURSELVES’. I would like to put this perspective in every
context by reminding us of the words I paraphrased tweeted by Pastor Dexter ‘Steve Jobs was an orphan, raised by adopted
parents, dropped out of school yet he changed our world, What excuse do you
have to give by whatever you are?’
There is remedy for every situation
as you will read soon when I continue the story of Thomas in the next edition
of Jewels – ‘What Did You Learn?’
From Me; Chuka Chiezie and the
team at Jewel Publishers we wish you a great weekend. Contact us (08033615992, jewelswriting@gmail.com) for your graphics
design and Printing services and please do not forget to tell others about
Jewel Publishers. More Grace!
